Clarity

This post was almost entirely inspired by “Learning to Smoke” by Tom Chiarella.

Smokers are a curious bunch — insular, thick skinned, social, and generally sharing. We congregate under leaky awnings, on park benches, and on pub balconies to inhale the foul nicotine carrying fumes that non-smokers think controls our lives.

Smoking is generally seen, amongst smokers at least, to be a social habit. We prefer to go on break with other smokers, we enjoy the chatter over a cigarette, and we enjoy the solidarity of knowing that we are looked down upon by most non-smokers.

But, for me at least, there is another side to smoking — one of solitude, of thinking, of reflection. I enjoy having a smoke with another smoker — whether that be at a bar with a random stranger, or on a smoke break with a colleague who smokes — but I also enjoy those that I have by myself.

When I can’t think, can’t write, can’t solve a given problem, my first port of call is a cigarette. A cigarette smoked in solitude. It affords me the time to think. It chases away distraction. It is something that I can do absentmindedly, or something I can do mindfully, but it is something that helps me think, write, solve. Above all else, it calms my mind.

From the heart-starter first thing in the morning, to the sleep inducer before bed, a cigarette smoked in solitude can transform my mental state from one of near panic, to one of calm collectedness.

Sure, there are probably other ways that I could achieve that, and sure, I will wake up in the morning and have a bit of a cough before my feet hit the floor. Certainly I should definitely quit. But I am, at least for now, happy in the knowledge that clarity is just a cigarette away.